CONVERSATIONS WITH MY HEART
Mind frustrated: – is this pain really necessary?
Heart smiling and calmly whispering:
– it is your resistance that hurts dear.
She gets all the love
that you should have had
She gets all the adoration
that you never got
She gets all the support
that you needed
She gets all the presence
that you longed for
She gets everything
you worked so hard for
Not because she deserves it
more than you dear
Her heart simply wouldn’t settle for less.
Writing from a feminine perspective. This poem is for all the people that feel hurt, bitter, even devastated that their ex has improved for someone else, and is now the perfect man he never was with you. I feel you. I have been on both sides of this rope, and I learned a valuable lesson. My partner will treat me the way I let him.
So don’t hate on the new woman, and don’t be mad at him either. Simply let that shit go. Be happy that she didn’t settle, be happy that he evolved and is now a more loving man. Be happy because the world needs more women that know the goodness of their heart, and wont settle for a man who doesn’t honor them. The world needs more men that start showing up and being the loving and caring beings that they are. The world needs more love period.
I know it might feel hard to let go dear, but you deserve to be seen. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be held, and you deserve to be cherished. If your heart is longing and if your partner doesn’t try to meet your needs. Don’t settle. Hold your beautiful heart and promise it that you will give it the love that it deserves. Promise it that you will only invite people into your life that can love you as deeply as you love yourself. Your relationship with you will reflect in all the relationships you have. So chose a loving reflection.
A few weeks ago a friend of mine challenged me to release some new music within a month. I felt very uncomfortable with that challenge since I didn’t feel that anything I had recorded was completely “done”. Somehow I agreed to do it. I chose a song I’m quite happy with, it just needed some backing vocals on it, so I called two wonderful backup singers and asked them to come down to the studio and sing with me. When the day came, I got sick and couldn’t make it to the studio, so we set a new date, but on that day they couldn’t make it. I realized I wouldn’t be able to release the song I wanted to release within the time frame that I had set for myself. I felt like a failure, but then I talked to my wonderful producer Marco Deb and he said -well just release another song. You can release many songs in a row! Don’t be so picky, and don’t die with your music still inside you .
After going back and forth for a few days I just picked the song that felt most “done” (whatever that means, since a piece of art is never really done). I felt motivated but yet very uncomfortable. Thoughts like, this is not a typical first single came up, yes, my inner critic (who is one of the reasons I haven’t released any new music for a while) started a whole campaign to stop me from releasing this track.
In the middle of all this babbling I realized that I must be on to something. See, everything new that I desire is currently outside my comfort zone, otherwise I would already have it. It is my job as and artist to go outside my comfort zone. I owe it not only to myself but to you.
I finally understood a new layer of a long known truth, that it’s not my place to judge my art.
So here it is my newborn baby, Comfort Zone. Produced by Marco Deb who also sings on the chorus with me (see no excuses if your backup singers can’t make it). I’m so happy to share this with you. I live for this. I hope you take it to heart and that it makes you dance out of your own comfort zone.
Illustration made by Sling Fingers and Graphics by yours truly.
I recently realized that I’ve been censoring my art out of fear of hurting some people, or not managing to help heal them. I’ve been procrastinating releasing much of my work in fear of how it will be received. Isn’t that crazy?!
Me and my fear went on a date to the forest and we laughed long and hard at how silly we’ve been acting. I know that the healing of this behavior has just begun, but I do feel that something has shifted. It’s like a part of me is out of fucks. It’s true, a part of me is celebrating the lightness of releasing years of agony of how I affect people.
You see, for as long as I can remember, probably ever since I came to this planet, I have been wanting to assist people on their journey, to help remind them of their greatness. This need to assist, has created a lot of complications in my own human experience. I have felt obligated to always give people my best and been deeply concerned if people are offended with me or my art. As a coach, I would tell myself to stop caring what others think and just put out whatever I feel like putting out in our beautiful web of co creations. Sadly I haven’t been listening to my inner reason for a long time. Instead I have been listening to and feeling other peoples reactions.
I am a happy and quite positive person, I have chosen to be this way, it makes me feel good. I can’t help but to see the beauty in everything and most of my art is a reflection of that.
One might think that people like hearing uplifting music and that they enjoy receiving beams of hope, that is true for many people, but not everybody. Think about it, If you are sad, maybe even deeply depressed, do you want to hear how wonderful life is? not always right?
If you are in a deep agony and sit in a dark room dwelling in the deliciousness of this intense and beautiful emotion, do you enjoy someone bursting in and opening the curtains, shouting out “what a wonderful day, look at the sunshine and all the butterflies”? No, you probably don’t. That person might seem annoying and provoking to you, maybe even fake. You might think that that person just doesn’t get the complexity of life, that they are shallow and trite. You might be right, or you might be wrong.
We don’t always know everybody’s story and how they got to be who they are, do we?
If I could have a penny for every time, as a young woman, I’ve heard phrases like” let’s talk when you’re older and when life has played a number on you too, let’s see how positive you are then”. I’ve never felt any resentment towards these people, because I truly know where they are coming from. I feel their pain. See, life has already played a number or two on me. I have lost both my parents, been abused, been abandoned, cried myself to sleep every night for years, been bullied, been sick and felt deeply misplaced and unwanted most parts of my life. Believe me when I say I get it! Life can feel tough sometimes.
Everybody handles these ups and downs in their own way. Personally I feel that everything I have experienced has taught me to see how magical this human experience truly is. I feel that it’s a privilege to be alive and I can’t help but to fall involve with every moment, be it dark or light, and that discovery is what I share with my audience.
I get a lot of beautiful letters, emails, comments from you guys telling me how much you appreciate my art, and how my art has helped you. I want you to know that I appreciate those warm words immensely. But I have finally learned that I can’t depend on these words and I can’t please everyone. I have never gotten any bad response for my art, but I can feel that there are people that my art doesn’t reach, people whom other artist speak to… and you know what, it’s ok! I should not change to cater to them.
Whatever I feel is true to my heart, that is what I should share.
This might sound like an obvious thing to do to you, but it has taken me my whole life to get to this point. Not only regarding my art, but all peoples opinions about me.
I’m just out of fucks…and this is where life begins.
Lately I have been working a lot with my self worth. Now I clearly see that whatever area I have felt displeased with in my life, it has always come down to the fact that I haven’t felt worthy enough. I have also discovered another thing, many times what I have desired has changed once I do feel worthy. I am observing and learning that ultimately what I have been seeking is validation and a feeling of self worth, so many desires simply become redundant once that feeling is achieved some other way. I can give you a example. If I am feeling sensitive and insecure about my physical appearance, I might desire compliments from the opposite sex, but once I feel fabulous about myself and really dig myself, those compliments are no longer what I desire or need from a man. Their words might be appreciated as beautiful sprinkles on my cake, but the creamy gooey stuff in the middle is provided by yours truly.
I have seen my own and others desires shift radically once they find a way to feel worthy in the area they desire. It makes me think that we need to focus more on self worth in our society.
You are worthy of all you desires, how does that statement feel to you? You might have a whole arsenal of resistance coming up, bombarding you with negativity, or you might hear a bunch of cheerleaders scream “Hell Yeah!”.
Whatever your response is, I want to invite you to try an exercise with me.
Stand in front of the mirror, gaze deeply into your eyes and say this out loud:
Say it 3 times (or as many as you desire).
Repeat this as often as you can, like every time you brush your teeth, or passa a mirror.
Tell yourself that you are worthy. Slowly, slowly you’ll feel empowered and you’ll begin to see what it is your heart truly desires.
If you feel like sharing your self worth progress or other inspiration on this topic, please use the hashtag #YOUREWORTHIT on social media.
This past new moon fear payed me a visit, or more accurately, I invited her. I’m happy I did though, because this visit brought me lots of clarity.
I have carried many fears inside this body over the years, and still have some left, fear of what others think of me, fear of letting go, fear of being a bad mother, fear of being a bad partner, fear of failing at my life purpose, fear of not having been a good enough daughter, or a good enough friend, fear of not honoring my heart and my dreams. All in all I have had a fear of failing at this human experience.
When I type it out like this, it sounds silly, doesn’t it?
How can one fail at being human? The answer that pure logic delivers to me, is that you can’t. It’s simply impossible. Being human means being flawed, that is the human perfection.
So what I am uncovering is something that I think I have known all along.
I am perfect, my fears are beautiful teachers that come to teach me that there are some areas inside me that need more love, and to show me the magic I possess in creating a beautiful experience for myself and others on this planet. I know that in this reality, on planet Tellus, without darkness there really is no light. We must embrace both to see the other. I’m not saying you have to grow through pain, you don’t, you can definitely grow through love, and you should. I’m telling you that when you embrace your fears and start seeing them as caring friends, then you start feeling that they aren’t that bad, It becomes more pleasant and interesting when they visit.
Sometimes they become like distant relatives that come very seldom, and that is nice too, but when they do come, sit with them, be present, ask them questions, brew them a cup of tea and have a heart to hearth conversation. I am sure you’ll learn something beautiful about yourself, I know I did.
Sending you all lots of love and light.
Beautiful Sister and Brother. Do you ever feel that you get wrapped up in the outer world too much? Do you feel a bit stressed? like you are rushing through life? Maybe you feel that you are just trying to get from A to B? Thinking too much and feeling too little? You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. This is a common phenomena in our time. We focus more on our outer world than on our inner world. Constant distractions like laptops and phones keep our minds disconnected form our bodies. The sad thing is that a long time exposure to this stress seems to lead to an increasing sense of fear and a greater lack of self love.
So how do we shift this behavior? How do we stop ourselves form getting lost in in the outer world? My belief is that we must make our inner world more important. Find ways to connect with all of ourselves, mind, body spirit.
I find that a great way to help the restless mind become more present in my body, is to practice self massage. It’s a phenomenal practice that can calm your nerves and increases your self love and appreciation.
It’s easy to perform this massage, you simply start by rubbing your fingers on your skalp, work your way down to the ears, face, neck, arms, and hands on each side, chest, back, belly, hips, butt, genitals, thighs, calves and end with a foot rubb. This procedure takes 5- 15 min, depending on how much time you want to spend on every body part.
It might be hard to reach your back, if you want to give your back some extra appreciation, you can lay down on your back and place a tennisboll underneath yourself and roll it upp and down with your body, or you can lean against a door post to apply some pressure to those muscles. As you go through each body part, thank it for it’s service to you, feel it, how does it feel? Try to breath into, and be present in every body part. You can do this practice any time of the day, maybe after you shower and want to rubb in some oil? There are many beautiful oils out there that will nurture your skin and make you feel luxurious.
HERE ARE A FEW TIPS:
Organic Virgin Coconut Oil: The king of oils, you can use it for so many things, cooking, baking, hair care, and as a body lotion. it’s antiseptic and it feels great on your skin.
Organic Virgin Sesame Oil: This one is great to calm the nerves and it will assist you in feeling balanced. This oil has a warming sent and moisturizes the skin beautifully.
Organic Virgin Olive Oil: Makes your skin glow, and is full of vitamins to help heal and nurture your whole body.
Oil or no oil, there are countless ways in which you can perform this massage. The most important thing is that you touch and appreciate your beautiful body. Give yourself this Luxurious treatment everyday, and you will tell your subconscious that you deserve great things, thus increasing your sense of self worth. Our body’s wellbeing and our mental wellbeing really do go hand in hand.
The way we start our morning sets the tone for the whole day. I believe that we all could benefit from having a solid morning ritual. A space for ourselves so we can nurture our soul and mind. My morning ritual consists of writing a gratitude letter to all that is, thanking the universe for everything I have, and also for the things I want to have.
This is a great way of focusing on appreciation and at the same time remembering my intentions and dreams. I do this while I drink a smoothie and look out the window. Sometimes I use my favorite vintage binoculars and admire some birds and trees from a far, marveling over the beauty of our planet. I usually have a favorite crystal that I hold while I do some deep breathing and contemplate.
Here are a few tips on what you can do as a morning ritual.
1. Practice deep breathing for 3-5 min before enjoying a nice breakfast.
2. Write down your intentions for the day and how you would like to feel today.
3. Do a (quick) self massage, start with your head and end with your feet.
4. Have a smoothie while looking out the window.
5. Dance to your favorite song.
6. Repet your favorite affirmation 10 times in the mirror before you go about your day.
If you don’t already have a great routine that works for you, then I hope you’ll find something you like here. Remember that when you invest time in yourself, you amplify your wellbeing, and when you feel good you do good.
Everyone who knows me, know that one of my strongest desires is to help people see their own greatness. I myself have struggled with low self-esteem and lack of self-respect, and I still have a lot of work to do, but I have managed to shift some heavy beliefs. I now see my worth.
I have reconnected with my roots, with the earth and the divine feminine living inside me. I feel so much respect and admiration for my inner Goddess now. I feel I want to honor her with every decision I make. I admit that I still go on auto pilot sometimes, but it’s becoming increasingly hard to do so. She roars and speaks her soul, shouting at me when I make choices out of fear. I have a lot of growing to do, but I am committed to keep working on honoring myself everyday.
Why I am sharing this with you right now, is because I want you to ask yourself these questions:
1. Do I love myself?
2. Do I feel that the people around me are loving and kind to me?
3. Do I feel I get the respect I deserve?
4. Am I satisfied with my everyday experience?
5. Do I think that I am beautiful on every level there is?
Sit with these questions for a minute, breathe deeply and see what answers come up.
If you answer No to any question, you like many of us, have some healing to do. Don’t worry, you will see how magnificent you are and what greatness you deserve. Just set the intention to love yourself more, and you’ve just begun a magical ride dear.
I want to be there for you on your journey, so I have decided to start focusing more energy on writing, coaching and creating art focused on Self Love. This is all part of the #Loveolution, I truly believe that you have to Love yourself before you can Love all, when you feel good, you do good with ease.
I wish you lots of happiness and clarity.